Monday, May 24, 2010

Jumping off the bridge with my arms raised high (Part 2)

Part 2 you say? The original log (Part 1) can be found at my old blog Check it out if you would like a little bit of background story to this blog. 1 year and approximately 7 months later I stand on the same bridge again, effectively in between jobs (although this time, the anxiety is a bit less) I have, after all, been here before.

A few weeks ago the organization I used to work for went through some significant changes. Significant changes, that came at very bad timing for me. I was quite possibly at my lowest place in my job, feeling completely exhausted and burnt out and wondering how I could possibly carry on. Cue, the carpet which was ripped out from under my feet and you have one very frightened girl on your hands. I began praying and looking for other work. Rather than panic (which I did for about a day) I took these occurences as a sign that it was time for me to move on. I began to pray to God asking Him to show me what was next. I quite calmly told God I was ready to move anywhere and that I completely trusted Him to provide for my needs. I asked very specifically that I would know what job was mine when I saw it. I thanked Him that I had learned the lesson of provision in my career way back in my second year of university when I had no idea how I would return to the most expensive school in Canada. Since that time God has proven faithful, over and over again. I was confident He would provide. I searched daily for about 2-3 hours a night, scrolling through online job sites confident a job would be there and that I would recognize it when I saw it.

By Saturday, I still hadn't seen anything, and I was beginning to think I was meant to stay after all. I did actually feel a bit better after a week of intentional self care and things calming down in the work place. I turned away from the computer for a bit and tried to read, but couldn't focus. I had a moment of insight and thought, "for a lark lets check out the John Howard Society website" (where I used to work). I clicked on the website only to discover that my old job was the only one that was posted!!! My stomach dropped to me knees and I knew. There was my job. Literally!!!!! I laughed outloud in my apartment even though I live alone, and said, "you have got to be kidding me." And after a pause and some more laughter I asked God, "but what if I don't want it?"

To make a rather long story, slightly shorter, I applied, had the interview got the job took some extra time deciding, but ultimately made the choice to trust God.

Although it doesn't make any rational makes pefect logical sense. Wha?? By that I mean that to me, God is logical. If I pray for a job to be open, and one appears that has to God. Although that isn't necessarily rational to me it makes completely logical sense. Even my unbelieving aunt told me that "someone must be looking out for you" when I explained what was going on. Exactly.

So tomorrow morning, I start my old/new job again. Although I am moving away from my dream job of working with adult homeless, and although I will be making about $3 an hour less I am completely confident that God is in complete control and that He has some awesome plans up his sleeve for me. I am SO excited to see what is next and why, when I was willing to move absolutley anywhere God wanted me to be Courtenay doing my old job. I sense there are big things on the horizon for me and because of that I am extremely happy to be jumping off a bridge with my arms raised high.

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